I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
