I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
