My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
