I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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