Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
