..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OPIZZABONMYDICK
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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