i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
