the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
