ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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