well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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