Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
