I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
