Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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