I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
