How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
