she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
