I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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