hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?