She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.