I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.