ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.