just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
