sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.