Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home