I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize