I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
