Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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