and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
