You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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