Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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