There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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