Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
