Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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