that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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