shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
