Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
