No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
