I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
