thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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