Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
