stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
