omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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