were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
