FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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