did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you never un-have a 4some
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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