I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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