Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize