he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
