So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
