Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
