Pants 0. Shit 1.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
