i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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