before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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