fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
