I wish my penis had an off switch
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Four minutes until I can fart!
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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