was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
