if only i could text you this smell
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
