So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
