Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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