You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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