your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i now understand why vodka
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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