i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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