Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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