I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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