it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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