What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
