You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
