I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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