mondays should just be called national damage control day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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